What I mean by that is not a statement of, “we’ll stay together for the kids,” or, “we can live together for the money.” And I am certainly not criticizing people who have gotten divorced. I know very little about marriage at this point in my life.
What I mean is the realization that we love and respect one another enough that we are certain that we will listen, offer help, work, and abide with one another. In the good times, sure. But even (especially) when it is difficult.
As I prepare for marriage, I have noticed some people at “the office” and elsewhere have been implicitly giving me counsel to shield myself against divorce. I suppose this is makes sense-too many people have put their hearts out there and gotten burned.
If we go in thinking that divorce is not an option-that I am entering into this without reservation, and with total trust, honesty, admiration, and respect of my fiancee, there will be smaller temptation to leave when the going gets tough. That trust and respect started long ago. It begins when we first meet our future spouse, and grows to ripeness through tilling, watering, pest control, and care. And it must never stop growing.
I wonder-if we enter into that sacred bond thinking that divorce is an option, and one that I must strap armor onto myself so that I can be protected, where will that lead? Even the armor will not protect us from all damage-the Fall has made that a certainty.
What’s more, I think we will find that that armor slows us down and makes us hard, rough, and cold, when solving these issues requires us to be flexible, gentle, and warm.